8 Signs You’re Carrying Deep Shame and How to Start to Heal
“If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three ingredients to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgment. If you put the same value of shame in the petri dish and sluice it with empathy, it can’t survive.” ~Brené Brown
Did you know that one of the biggest causes of suffering is unacknowledged shame? It makes us believe that there’s something wrong with us and we’re not good enough.
When we have deep shame inside, instead of stuff true to ourselves, we “dress to impress” so others will like us, which sooner makes us tired, depressed, and yellow-eyed considering we’ve wilt shredded from our true essence.
Having shame isn’t the issue; the real issue is resisting or trying to imbricate it up. The increasingly we try to alimony shame hidden, the increasingly we live in limitation and self-protection and wits stress in our system.
We may wits self-hate and a unvarying hair-trigger inner voice. Those parts of us don’t want to be suppressed, forced to change, or told they’re bad or wrong; they want to be seen, heard, and embraced in unconditional visa and love.
Many of us try to hibernate our shame considering we don’t want to finger that deep pain. And if people squint at us in a weird way, criticize, judge, or leave us, then what? We’ll be all alone. Well, that may not be true, but that’s what we may have experienced in the past, and we fear it happening again.
We may want a new relationship and to be intimate, but a part of us may push it yonder considering we’re wrung that they’ll see that we’re not perfect human beings and leave. Then that would re-affirm the false weighing that we’re unlovable or unworthy.
We may want to share our creativity and/or express ourselves in some way, but we’ve been shamed for doing so in the past, so we stop ourselves considering we don’t want to be hurt again.
We may want to do inner healing, but if we do, we’ll get in touch with the parts of us that are hurting, and feeling those feelings may seem overwhelming considering we’re used to suppressing them and they’re tying to past pains or traumas.
Some of us were shamed for making a mistake in the past, plane though making mistakes is part of learning. When we fear making mistakes, we tend to self-sabotage or procrastinate.
Sometimes we use food, drugs, alcohol, or stuff rented to try to numb and get yonder from our painful and shameful feelings.
Sometimes shame manifests as chronic fatigue, self-criticism, depression, low self-esteem or painful sensations in our body. We may finger self-conscious, anxious, and insecure and have a nonflexible time speaking up or receiving gifts and compliments considering we don’t finger worthy of them.
So what is shame really? It makes us believe that we’re bad, wrong, unlovable, or unworthy. Those ideas stem from not meeting other people’s expectations of how we should be, or from experiences that made us finger embarrassed.
Because we didn’t know how to cope with or process our feelings at the time, we ripened a negative lens through which we now see ourselves and others that dictates what we do and don’t do.
If we were shamed for or felt shame well-nigh something as children, we usually try to find a way to recoup for it as adults. What do I mean?
As a child, I was teased for stuff fat and ugly, and I blamed my soul for me not having any friends and for my father criticizing and teasing me.
At age thirteen, my doctor told me to go on a diet. When I lost weight I received compliments and recognition; however, I took it to the extreme, and at age fifteen I became a severe anorexic. No matter how many therapists or treatment centers I went to (which were numerous), I wouldn’t let go of the matted eating behaviors that I thought kept me safe.
I ripened survival strategies, exercising non-stop and eating very little, so I would never be fat and teased again. However, as much as I tried to protect myself from the shame of stuff fat, I was now stuff shamed for how and what I ate and what my soul looked like.
My father told me he was embarrassed to be seen with me, and I was made fun of, criticized, and judged from people on the street, the therapists I was seeing, and the those in tuition in the treatment centers I was in.
So, in a sense, I was stuff shamed for trying to cope, finger safe, and survive.
At age fifteen I became obsessed with money to try to recoup for the powerless, shameful feelings I was having.
Money gave me a fleeting, false sense of power and worthiness. If I wasn’t working and earning money, I felt like a horrible person.
I was trying to hibernate my deep shame and finger worthy, valuable, lovable, and unscratched by executive my supplies and weight and how much money I made and saved, but none of that overly made me truly finger okay or healed my deep pain and shame. Deep inside, I was still experiencing depression, anxiety, a hair-trigger voice, and self-hate, and I was vicarial in self-harming and self-depriving ways.
When people used to say to me, “Debra, you just need to love yourself,” I thought, “Yeah right, what does that plane mean? I don’t deserve to be loved and cared for. I’m bad. I deserve to suffer, to be punished, criticized, and deprived, and to struggle in life.”
This is what unresolved shame does. It creates a shame-based identity. It runs our subconscious programming, disconnects us from our authenticity, and makes us believe that there’s something wrong with us—that we’re unworthy, unlovable, and not good enough.
We don’t stop loving the ones who shamed and hurt us; we stop loving ourselves, and we start treating ourselves in the same ways they did. The external rejection becomes our own internal rejection.
It may be helpful to understand that people who blame, shame, or criticize us are moreover hurting and have deep wounds that make them finger as if they’re bad, unworthy, and unlovable. Their inner child is saying, “Please love me” just like ours is.
When we finger a sense of shame, most often our sustentation is focused on fixing ourselves to fit into the standards of the world so we can be loved and accepted. By doing so, we often deny how we’re truly feeling and instead squint for the “right things” to say and do, which keeps us from living our truth.
Instead of fixing ourselves to imbricate up how we’re truly feeling, we need to take the time to understand why we’re feeling, thinking, and vicarial how we do, which may be coming from past traumas, hurts, and wounds.
If we alimony our shame hidden, we may finger stuck inside, which makes us finger stuck in our lives considering our minds and persons protract to react automatically from the past painful and unresolved experiences.
Not sure if you’re delivering deep shame? How much of this is true for you?
- You’re unable to find inner peace. Deep inside you don’t finger good enough, like there’s something’s wrong with you.
- You need to be loved and tried of by others in order to love and legitimatize of yourself.
- You finger insecure and unworthy and constantly compare yourself to others.
- You see yourself and others through the lens of past painful experiences.
- You’re wrung to try new things, share your creativity, share how you’re truly feeling, or ask for what you want and need considering you don’t finger worthy, or you’re wrung of feeling embarrassed or shamed.
- You mold yourself to try to fit in with what everyone else is doing instead of pursuit what has true, heartfelt meaning for you.
- You often finger yellow-eyed and afraid, and you have a unvarying hair-trigger inner voice.
- You try to unzip as a way to prove that you’re worthy, valuable, and lovable.
Since stuff shamed makes us want to hibernate those parts of ourselves that were unacceptable, healing happens when we bring those parts into the light of sensation and embrace them with unconditional visa and love.
Healing starts to happen when we recognize and unravel self-ruling from the trance we’re living in. We do this by going to the root cause(s) of the shame and resolving that unresolved pain with compassion, love, and a new understanding.
Healing starts to happen when we learn how to be increasingly understanding with ourselves and instead of saying “Why can’t I just…?” We ask ourselves “What keeps me from…? How can I help that part finger seen, heard, understood, and loved?”
Healing starts to happen when we uncork to uncover, discover, and embrace our natural qualities, talents, and skills and indulge those parts of us to be felt and seen.
Healing starts to happen when we learn how to speak to and treat ourselves in increasingly kind, compassionate, and loving ways, and moreover believe that we’re worth it.
Please remember that healing is a process. Our system is conditioned to be a unrepealable way, and our minds and persons love to stay with what’s familiar. Working with our tender, hurting parts with love and compassion can help us unravel out of the trance of past hurt and wounds and wits what true love and inner peace really means.
So, instead of trying to get rid of the shame or imbricate it up, embrace the parts you’re red-faced of with unconditional visa and love. Let yourself and your inner child know that you are beautiful, valuable, and lovable as you are, plane with your wounds and scars.
About Debra Mittler
Debra Mittler is a warm and understanding healer with a unique worthiness to touch people’s hearts and souls. She enjoys profitable others in loving and unsuspicious themselves unconditionally, feeling at peace in their body, and living authentically. Debra is a leading validity in overcoming obstacles and supports her clients by holding a space of unconditional love and offering encouragement, constructive tools, and valuable insights permitting them to wits and listen to their own inner wisdom.
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