Riding the Wave of Rage: How Mindfulness Became My Lifesaver
“Letting go gives us freedom, and self-rule is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything—anger, anxiety, or possessions—we cannot be free.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
My wrongness has gotten the weightier of me increasingly than I superintendency to admit. I’ve smashed windows, wrenched chairs, had movie-worthy brawls on the beach, and said gut-wrenching stuff that has brought people I superintendency well-nigh to tears.
I grew up when mental health was not taken seriously, nor was it plane on my radar. I just took my wild nature to midpoint I was screwed up and hopeless. And sadly, the thought of seeking support only brought up increasingly anger. It felt like I was weak, pathetic, and a loser for stuff unable to sort my life out.
So, without understanding why my emotions were such a rollercoaster (undiagnosed peepers and type II bipolar disorder), I didn’t know where else to turn except to my dear ole friend Sailor Jerry, the purveyor of fine spiced rum. Alcohol only fueled my emotional outbursts, exacerbating the problem.
Knowing that kind of wrongness lived inside me brings on an emotional tattling mess of a show. Considering overcoming the guilt that came from identifying with those deportment and feeling like that’s who I was as a man took years of therapy.
It feels so variegated than the person I am now.
I understood in therapy that it’s not my fault per se, but it is my responsibility to do something well-nigh it.
Nothing has driven that lesson home increasingly than stuff a dad.
And if my daughter is anything like my wife and me, we got ourselves a wild child ready to test our limits.
Living with Canadian winters ways it’s inevitable that, at some point, you’ll lose tenancy of your car. I once did a well-constructed 360 on the highway on the way to work as I lost tenancy on woebegone ice. I didn’t think; I just make-believe based on what I learned in driving school.
If you’re driving your car and it starts to skid, you go with the spritz of your vehicle and move in the direction of the skid, not versus it. That’s how you regain control, plane if it seems counterintuitive.
Anger is the woebegone ice of emotions. You’re often thrown into a screw of wrongness surpassing you plane have the endangerment to mindfully be enlightened that you’re losing control. That’s why I’ve found the practice of mindfulness and daily meditation life transforming.
The wrongness never goes yonder considering you never stop experiencing the emotions of life, but through the practice of mindfulness, you create space between the stimulus (my wife and I fighting, worn-out from a sleepless toddler, and businesses to run) and the response (thinking it’s time to end the marriage).
You can segregate to respond and act differently considering you see the trigger for what it is for you.
Think of it like a gigantic pause sawed-off that allows you to slip into Matrix mode. You see the stimulus, pause for presence, and respond with intention. My daughter is not purposely trying to throw our lives into chaos. My wife and I aren’t fighting considering we no longer love each other. We’re dealing with the tornado nature of a toddler, running businesses, and stuff pushed to our limits.
It’s largest to respectfully and constructively communicate your feelings with your partner if you plan to stay married. I get it. Easier said than done, but we need to believe that we’re not inherently flawed and vastitude help.
My previous relationships all had their pearly share of fights (stimulus), resulting in my doom spiralling into yoyo it was time to shrivel it all lanugo (response). Without a pause between stimulus and response, the middle became a tastefulness ground for an unconscious poison cocktail of guilt, shame, and a need to escape the uncomfortable reality of what I was facing.
Let’s be honest. I wasn’t making any effort to change. Repairing a relationship without tools is damn near impossible. Through therapy, I gained a deeper understanding of my emotional struggles and the root causes of my anger. Now, I have a fully stocked toolbelt that I finger well-appointed using.
And that’s where the power of mindfulness comes in. You learn to know and trust yourself well unbearable to tap into a greater energy virtually you, and you wilt wifely in any situation. You see the woebegone ice, grip the wheel, and tenancy the situation by keeping yourself present with the stimulus.
When faced with a challenge, do you possess the mental flexibility and self-awareness to remain centered and unfluctuating with that space between stimulus and response, and move forward in a way you can be proud of?
Or do you struggle versus challenges, only to requite up considering negative self-talk and conditioned thinking hogtie you to repeat the same treasonous pattern, leaving you guilty and ashamed?
I’m not saying I never get wrestling anymore. But I sure as hell try my weightier not to throw rocket fuel on the fire. Addressing the root of the problem—undiagnosed peepers and type II bipolar disorder—helped me largest understand how to cope with a rollercoaster of emotions and feelings that previously felt vastitude my control.
Life is a lot like stuff in a high-stress sturdy event. The worthiness to react to flipside player’s deportment without emotional triggers often makes the difference between making a wise or a poor visualization and ultimately winning or losing the game.
The only difference is that the game of life truly never ends. We will only lose if we stop improving and holding ourselves to a higher standard for how we show up in the world. Taking full responsibility for our lives can be terrifying, but it moreover creates a sense of personal freedom. This is considering it allows us to take whoopee toward rhadamanthine the people we know we’re capable of being.
To thrive, you must mindfully segregate to go with the spritz of your emotions and momentum toward anger, shame, and guilt, not yonder from them. You must sit with these feelings, pause to recognize how you’ve been triggered, and consciously segregate a response you’ll finger good about. This way, you regain tenancy of your life by releasing yourself from a pattern of deportment that no longer serves you. Remember, practice makes progress.
About Chris Wilson
Chris Wilson is a bipolar creative with a knack for personal development. He geeks out on productivity, minimalism, and enjoying life. He runs Simplify Your Why, where he shares lessons learned on overcoming his battles with depression, type II bipolar, and entrepreneurship. He created a self-ruling undertow for anyone who wants to lead a happier, increasingly productive life of simplicity (with less stress). Click here to wangle it.
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