Why It Can Feel Lonely When You Stop Putting Everyone Else First
“After you requite so much of yourself to people over the years, one day you wake up and realize that you need someone to requite to you too.” ~Sylvester McNutt
One of the biggest surprises I found on my self-care journey was how lonely I started to finger in the process, expressly when I started to set boundaries with toxic people. At first, this loneliness had me questioning myself. I thought there must be something wrong with me, considering I thought I was supposed to finger good and strong instead of scared and lonely when I did “the right thing.”
Honestly, most days the loneliness was so big it felt like healing wasn’t really worth it. After digging a little deeper and doing some research I discovered I wasn’t vacated in this feeling, and there is a key reason why loneliness is so profound at the whence of a self-care journey.
Due to a variety of diaper circumstances, I had ripened a personal identity that revolved virtually making others finger seen, heard, understood, and wanted. My whole sense of self was tied into how others felt well-nigh themselves.
I was really good at showing up for people, listening to them, meeting their needs, and ensuring they felt seen, heard, and comfortable. It initially never felt like a sacrifice to me to do this, and when it did, I was proud and honored to sacrifice my own needs and wants to make others happy.
While developing this worthiness to “see” and love on others isn’t inherently bad, it does wilt a problem when this is not well-turned with the worthiness to moreover indulge others to “see” me. It honestly never plane crossed my mind to indulge someone else to do something for me. When people would offer to do me a favor or help in some way, I would unchangingly ripen their support.
Accepting was way outside my repletion zone, and I would make up all kinds of excuses to be sure I didn’t need anyone else’s help or support.
Over time, these one-sided relationships always unravel down. We aren’t meant to only requite or only receive, so when these relationships start, resentment, frustration, and jealousy unchangingly develop too. Sometimes it takes years and sometimes it takes days, but it unchangingly ends with both parties feeling taken wholesomeness of and frustrated.
If you are someone, like me, who tends to show up in relationships to requite and not receive, then when you set boundaries and try to create healthy relationship dynamics, it will finger lonely and wearisome initially.
This is considering we have ripened an identity based on how we can make others feel. If we can make them finger happy, accepted, wanted, loved, and taken superintendency of, then we finger happy, accepted, wanted, loved, and taken superintendency of. We convinced ourselves (subconsciously) long ago that we didn’t unquestionably need to finger all those feelings for ourselves, we just needed to help others finger them.
When the lie that we don’t need to be seen, loved, taken superintendency of, or wanted, is taken away, we will finger a strong sense of loneliness and wearisomeness initially.
Why? Considering you can’t develop a new, healthier, sense of self without taking yonder the old first. If you don’t take it away, there’s no room for the new, healthier version of you to grow. We have to step yonder from the pattern of over-giving, and only requite in order to make room for the receiving part of us to grow.
It is in the space between not repeating old patterns but surpassing our new patterns have ripened that we finger lonely, and often bored. Being enlightened of where we are in the healing trundling is critical, considering most people finger that loneliness and go right when to their old patterns saying, “It didn’t work.”
My rencontre to you is to stick with it. This concept applies to all change, really.
Have you overly tried to lose weight? How do you finger in the first month? Bored, frustrated, lonely, tired, and all in your throne well-nigh how much it sucked.
Most people then quit. Most people decide it isn’t worth it considering they can’t stay focused on the long-term gain. Those who stick with it start to finger good. They start to see the scale drop, gown fit better, and friends scuttlebutt on how good they look. Once they start experiencing the rewards for the pattern change, they’re motivated to stick with it.
It’s the same concept here. Knowing that you are washed-up with unhealthy relationship patterns where you are constantly taken wholesomeness of, you’re over-giving, exhausted, and finger invisible all the time, ways you are ready for a change.
Keep this why in the forefront of your mind as you navigate the first steps of transpiration that will be tough. You are dropping the old pattern of just giving, but you don’t yet have the new pattern of receiving in place. When you develop your worthiness to receive from others, loneliness is gone. Not just that, but life is far largest than you overly could have imagined.
Allowing people to truly see you, know you, and love you is an incredible gift. It moreover ways you will vamp other people operating on a much higher vibration.
You will no longer vamp people who only want to take from you. You will vamp people with an equal wastefulness of giving and receiving and life will finger good. Relationships will finger good, and they will stand the test of time considering they will be healthy and balanced.
If you are doing the right thing and finger lonely and bored, alimony going. There is so much life on the other side.
About Janice Holland
Janice Holland is a certified trauma model therapist who empowers women to reactivate and reinvent themselves without spending years in therapy through her Courageous Woman Membership. Join at JaniceHolland.com/Membership or follow her on Instagram @the.trauma.teacher
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